A Story For Ellie
by ceresvulcan
Summary: Takes place after Sand & Light. Wolfwood tells a revised version of The Three Little Pigs to his daughter


A/N: I was cleaning out my junk drawers, and I came across this little story a wrote while I was bored one afternoon. Just a cute little something. ^_^

A Story For Ellie

(A few months after Sand & Light: Wolfwood is making up for missed father/daughter time during the years when he was "dead")   
  


Wolfwood: Ok Ellie, after a long discussion with your Mom (actually it was more like Milly telling him what to do) I've decided (been talked into) to read you a story. Now, which one would you like to hear?   
  


Ellie: Make one up, Daddy!   
  


Wolfwood: Make one up? Uh, Daddy can't do that. (He grabs a large blue book from the shelf) Let's see what we have in here. (He flips through the book) How about the Three Little Pigs?   
  


Ellie: Not pigs, gunfighters.   
  


Wolfwood: Okay, fine. Once upon a time in a tiny village. . .   
  


Ellie: On a sandy planet   
  


Wolfwood: On a sandy planet, there were three little gunfighters. (Chibi Vash, Chibi Wolfwood, and Chibi Knives) They wanted to build themselves a house.   
  


Ellie: A saloon!   
  


Wolfwood: A saloon? Ellie, I don't think. . .   
  


Ellie: (Frowns and looks scary) They wanted a saloon.'   
  


Wolfwood: Fine, fine, they wanted to build a saloon. So they all went to buy the things they would need. The first little gunfighter built his saloon of straw. (Chibi Vash stacks straw super-fast and the word saloon pops up overhead) This was no surprise, because the first little gunfighter was incredibly dense. And then. . .   
  


(Vash walks in the door)   
  


Vash: Hey Wolfwood, what are you doing?   
  


Ellie: Daddy's reading me a story.   
  


Vash: A story? Which one?   
  


Ellie: The Three Little Gunfighters.   
  


Vash: The what? (Takes the storybook from Wolfwood) Let me see that. (He examines the story) Isn't this the one about pigs building houses?   
  


Wolfwood: (Snatches the book back) Not today Tongari, today it's about gunfighters building saloons. Anyway, the second little gunfighter. . .   
  


Vash: I like the pigs.   
  


Wolfwood: I don't care if you like the pigs! There are no more pigs!   
  


Ellie: What happened to them?   
  


Wolfwood: I don't know. The gunfighters shot them.   
  


Vash: Oooh. . .   
  


Ellie: That wasn't very nice of them, Daddy.   
  


Vash: Yeah, I agree.   
  


Wolfwood: Oh fine! Here! (Hands the book to Vash) You read it!   
  


Vash: Alright. The pigs aren't dead, they have turned themselves into the three little gunfighters.   
  


Wolfwood: They what?!   
  


Vash: Yeah, the three little gunfighters are secretly the three little pigs in disguise. Magic pigs.   
  


Wolfwood: (With all sarcasticness) Oh, of course, magic pigs.   
  


Vash: Anyway, the second little gunfighter/pig built his house. . .   
  


Ellie: Saloon.   
  


Vash: Right. He built his saloon out of sticks. Because he was a little smarter, but not by much. And then the third little gunfighter built his saloon out of bricks. (Chibi Wolfwood and Chibi Knives stack sticks and bricks) Then one day the big bad wolf. . .   
  


Ellie: Bandit.   
  


Vash: The big bad bandit. . .   
  


Ellie: Boring!   
  


Vash: What's boring about it?   
  


Ellie: Make the bandit really evil.   
  


Vash: Okay then, the telepathic, psycho, evil bandit. . .better?   
  


Ellie: Much.   
  


Vash: Alright. The telepathic, psycho, evil bandit (Legato) came to the first gunfighter/pig's saloon.   
  


Ellie: Can the bandit have a cat?   
  


Vash: Uh, I guess so.   
  


Wolfwood: For god's sake, you're screwing up the story. (Snatches back the book) The bandit. . .   
  


Ellie: And his cat.   
  


Wolfwood: Right. The bandit and his cat (Kuroneko-sama appears) went to the first gunfighter/pig's saloon. He knocked on the door and. . .   
  


Ellie: Bandits don't knock!   
  


Wolfwood: Fine, he kicked down the door and said, "Little gunfighter, little gunfighter, give me your. . ."   
  


Ellie: Hotdogs!   
  


Wolfwood: Why on earth does the bandit want hotdogs?   
  


Vash: Because he's hungry of course.   
  


Wolfwood: So he wanted hotdogs. And the gunfighter/pig said, "Sorry, fresh out." And the bandit said, "Then I'll show no mercy, and blow up your saloon." Kaboom.   
  


Vash: Then the bandit and his cat went to the second saloon. . .   
  


Wolfwood: "I want hotdogs." "No dice" Kaboom. (He was in a hurry now) Third saloon, evil bandit guy and his cat demand hotdogs, gunfighter/pig says no way and. . .   
  


Vash: The gunfighter/pig slams the door in the bandit's face. But the bandit was still hungry.   
  


Ellie: So his cat turned into a hotdog!   
  


Wolfwood: What?!   
  


Ellie: It's a magic cat, Daddy.   
  


Wolfwood: Like the pigs?   
  


Ellie: Uh-huh.   
  


Wolfwood: So the cat, that is now a hotdog. . .   
  


Ellie: And it can fly!   
  


Wolfwood: The hotdog?!   
  


Ellie: No Daddy, the cat.   
  


Wolfwood: The cat flies, and I suppose the pigs fly too?   
  


Ellie: If they want to.   
  


Wolfwood: So the cat/hotdog gets eaten by the evil bandit, and the remaining gunfighter/pig expanded his saloon and became filthy rich, the end. (Looks over at Vash, looking like he's about to cry) What's wrong with you, Tongari?   
  


Vash: Three people got killed in only thirty minutes.   
  


Wolfwood: Actually, for us that's not so bad.   
  


Ellie: Why did the bandit eat his cat, Daddy?   
  


Wolfwood: Because the cat turned into a hotdog.   
  


Ellie: Why?   
  


Wolfwood: Because you wanted to feed the guy!   
  


Vash: Are the other two gunfighter/pigs still dead?   
  


Wolfwood: Yes Tongari, when you die you usually stay that way.   
  


Vash: But if they're magic pigs, couldn't they come back to life?   
  


Wolfwood: Fine, they came back to life. And just to make you happy the cat came back to life too. And they all went to the third gunfighter/pig's saloon and ate ice cream sundaes, the end. Ok?   
  


Ellie: Good job, Daddy. Now read Hansel and Gretel. And make Gretel and waitress, and Hansel is her vagabond boyfriend, who are having an affair, on a sand steamer going to Dankin Town.   
  


Wolfwood: I should've stayed dead. 


End file.
